Suicide is Painless

Ana: Is good, pure and beautiful
Mia: Is evil, unpure and ugly

Ana use to sit calm and nice and play, then she does that everything is just fine
but sometimes Mia comes running fast and push Ana hard so she fly away and
get pain. This make Ana sad, and very angry.
Now Ana have get all her strength and bring Mia to a cage in hell, and there
she has to sit forever. Without Mia Ana is very happy, then Ana happy everything is perfect.

Good bye Mia, Ana I love you, you always gonna be in my heart <3

I was in Karlstad with my sweet friend Anna this weekend, here is my lunch when
we was out and shopping, it was så yummi, they was so sweet there, sometimes they
get angry at vegans but they was so sweet and did a little special meal for me :)
More photos and info about the weekend coming tomorrow, I have to go to sleep now
becaus I have to work tomorrow, love ya all

Everyone is nagging on me, Oh you have been to thin, you have loose so much in weight in so shot time, you eating to little, I´m gonna watch you. Hello leave me alone?
My mum is the worse "Don´t you understand how dangerous it is to loose so much in weight on so shot time, you can die" and she nag at me and lie to me.
People please! Don´t say one more word about that Im thin, because I am NOT thin, I know how a thin person look, and I know how I look, ok say that I have loose much in weight, yes I have 8 kilo (17.6 pounds or whatever you counting in) but don´t tell me that Im thin anymore beacuse Im not, and I never gonna be, I be so angry at you people who is lie to me, i hurts, don´t you understand that? Shut up instead if you haven´t anything to say
And today I have been EATING, alot, a little to much, ok very to much x_x

You are always inside me
you live inside me to help me
you always there to support me
you always there to tell me what to do
you make rules for me so I can live my day more simple
you are always there then I fail
first you gettning angry at me
but then you help me up on my feets again
you help me to never ever give up
you make me beautiful
Thank you

                                                                                                    Audrey Kitching

Why do things never turn like you want it to?
Why do I never succes with that I really want to?
Why does nothing happens?
It doesnt matter how much I fight, how much I scream
how much I suffer, how much control I get.
It doesnt help.
Nothing happens anymore.
I´m angry at my self, and I´m angry at you
Caus you never ever gonna understand me

I have been working alot lately, so I have been so tired on the evenings and just sit and look at TV and taking walks in the fresh autumn air. Maeby I´m not working next week, not fun to not making money, but a bit nice to be free a little ^^
I have put on my extensions and dye my hair black again, I love it, I have really been missing my hair and that color, I don´t care about that copycat anymore, if she took my style, is hers problem, not mine, I look like I want and I don´t care if 1000 more people would look the same way (well uhm ok you got me, I do care hehe)  

Why live a life
That's painted with pity
And sadness and strife
Why dream a dream
That's tainted with trouble
And less than it seems
Why bother bothering
Just for a poem
Or another sad song to sing
Why live a life

I went home to my mum today, and she told me that my pony Lillan
is pregnant :) I tought she did´nt can be that again, but no she is, on
the pic you see the father to hers new little foal.

Everyting feels so good at the moment, it feels like my life starting again.
I told my mum yesterday that I have stop go to school, and she took that
good, on monday I gonna work, and maeby maeby I gonna work the hole
week, hope for that ^^

Today I have been riding on my mums horse, it was very fun, it was a wile
ago, and it went very good, and tomorrow I gonna have aches in my stomach
and mu back, and I love that feeling <3

I gonna be at my mum the hole weekend and gonna help her then she compete
on sunday :) I was supose to go and party saturday but my friend get ill, but
there many weekends and many partyes, It was good for my mum that I can
help her ^^

well well, here some more pics in Lillans boyfriend hehe (I have forgot his name oops)

Have been in sthlm a few days for shopping, shopping and a little bit shopping :P
it was great they have sp much more beautiful clothes in that style I like in sthlm
then they have home here in Skövde. Uhm, on the pic you see the ceiling in the
subway in Solna.
At the moment I making a musicvideo with some clips from the subway hehe
maeby puting that one up her on buzznet then I´m ready with it.

some of the thing I bouth, the rest is still in my bag xD

Yesterday I was hanging around in the mall with some friends, and I saw a girl who had
copy me, I always see her then I´m in the center, before she had just black hair, but now
she have exacly like I had before, couldn´t she do something different at least??
And I gonna do that hair again very soon bur now maeby they have forgot I had like that
before and thinks that I am the copycat, so instead for the blond things in my hair I maeby
do them pink or something.

From now I only eat fruit and vegetables, and drinking just water and green tea
Breakfast will be a cup pure green tea, and a apple, when lunch, vegetables,
later an fruit, for dinner vegetables and on the evening a fruitsallad, and between
drinking a lot of water.
Just one thing worries me, I´m out of my iron pills, and I have no money to buy
some new before 25 August.

Friday last week my new cousin get born, he was sooo sweet :) today we were and visit them for the first time, he doen´t have a name yet, he was cool, so small children should not can move theirs head, bu then I was holding him and my mum put hers shoes on, he take up his had and looked what she was doing hehe. cool kid, he was so little, and so small fingers and soft head, he´w weight was 4 kg when he get borned, much bigger then me, my weight was like 900 g.
I really feel that I should be training on the english grammar hehe

I miss my pony Lillan so much, she lives in Hjo at the moment and is mother to a foal who lost her´s mother then she get born, Lillan lost hers foal in april :´(  if the foal had lived she´s name would be Geisha ^^ she was so beautiful, but she was already dead then I saw her, it´s amazing that you can miss someone you never met, it felt so terrible to see Lillan standing over hers little foal and didn´t understand why she just lie there, but then the other foal came she was so happy, I think Lillan think that is hers own foal, she loves to be a mother, and she really taking care of the foal

Her she is in Hjo with the foal she taking care of ^^ Fräcka Frida is the foals name

a closer pic on Fräcka Frida I took then they was indoor

I miss riding, and I very much miss to compete, If I was just 1 year younger I was suppose to compete in the Elite team for pony in dressage for my ridning club, one year!!! My mum and dad was a little to fast hehe

I´m free from my summerjob today =O) I´m home at Valona and waiting for her to get home from her work, then we gonna go and shopping, there a lot of things I want to buy, it gonna be fun =O) It was nice too sleep as long as I wanted today, and after breakfast I was going to coop for buy some thing, the sun was shining and I just feel happiness, it was great, I smiled and I feel free, I don´t know if it was because I get my money today, I feel very rich and I can´t wait to spening my money hehe
And when I am writing I just wanna told that Valona is the most beautiful kindest best person I know, I love her so much and I don´t know what I should do if we not were friends, she´s the best friend you ever can have. She always make me happy, and then I am with her I feel that I´m ok the way I am.  boosse here on buzznet, visit her and add her as a friend, she´s the best

I have been sitting at home, al by my self and looked at mean girls and eating alot of icecream and chokolate cake, and I feel that I want to throw it up. The movie make me started thinking, and I realize that I have died, really I have, Life is a game, before I played it, and I was enjoying to play that game and make things to be how I want it to be, but after some things I stoped to play the game of life, and turned to be the person I am now, I have stoped play, and stoped live my life
I want to have my  life back, but I think it´s to late, but I gonna try, I want to be happy again, but have I ever been happy??

I still remember the first talk in school then the ?college of nursing? (can´t the word for it) have a deep talk to me about not became suicide, well I haven´t feel better, ever, but what is it in life to be happy about?? I´m ugly!!

whaaah I should´t be writing just know, I´m hight on sugar, and have anxiety, I don´t know what I am talking about, I just want everything out from my body before it exploding

The game of life is hard to play, I´m going to loose it anyway...

Through early morning fog I see
Visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...

That suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
So this is all I have to say

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...

Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

A brave man once requested me
To answer questions that are key
Is it to be or not to be
And I replied 'oh why ask me?'

And suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please

...and you can do the same thing if you please

Marilyn Manson have saved my life over and over again
He´s my fucking God

If you live in Sweden you should look at Mia and Klara, they so fucking funny!!
On the pic is the super trashmum Tanika, she speak funny ^^
There is also a hairdresser who make her customer depressed or scared of her
talking lol
and today Mia and Klara went to Mias ex house, she had the keysto all her ex´s
and they lie under his bed and waiting for him to come home with his new girlfriend
but Klara went up to the bed ans lie there and reading then he came home, he just o_O haha

I joined buzznet today ^^

It´s sunday :( I´m going to my summerjob tomorrow, it´s boring. it feels like the day never will end and I can go home, but Gunvor is fun, hehe everybody hates her, but I like her very much, we have fun together, we got the same sense of humor me and her.

After work tomorrow I gonna meet Valona, it´s always fun to be with her, she have buy? bouth? (my english sucks) new furnitures to her´s apartment, it´s gonna be fun to see how nice it been.